Teenager on a Budget: Frustration
April 20th, 2008 by Ana
We just got back from the grocery store, and I am feeling rather frustrated with my teenage son and his idea of grocery shopping. For those new to my teenager on a budget experiment, this is week five of the budget experiment and here’s the back story:
- Putting the teenager on his own food budget
- Teenager on a Food Budget: First Try
- A Gallon of Milk vs A Gallon of Gas
- Teenager on a Budget: The Milk Update
- Week Two: Teenager on a Food Budget Experiment
- Teenager on a Food Budget: Week Three
It’s not as if I have never tried to teach him how to shop smart. It’s not as if I have never taken him shopping and “led by example” for aggressive saving on food. It’s not as if I didn’t point out great loss-leader sales as we went in the door. It’s not as if I haven’t tried to teach him how to save by buying in bulk when it’s a better deal on items that will be eaten.
He’s being stubborn, clinging to the idea that he can outshop his mom *his* way. Just one hour ago, he told me: “I only buy what I need for the week, instead of stocking up. That way I am saving money.” He was buying four large individual apples, and I pointed out to him he could save money and get more apples if he bought the prebagged ones, even if they are smaller. By my calculations, he could eat two smaller apples at a time and still have more servings for about the same cost. He bought the bigger ones.
One thing I absolutely love about shopping at the local Kroger is they put the price per unit on their price labels. This helps immensely, especially when trying to determine which size of an item to get and whether or not the larger “bulk” size is actually the better deal (sometimes it isn’t). I have pointed this out to my son several times over the past couple years.
Over the past couple years I have stressed the importance of knowing what normal price is, so I know when a sale is actually a good deal or when it’s just hype.
Apparently all my instruction has been for naught. Or maybe he is just experimenting on his own, and will eventually come around to my way of thinking on his own. I just know I am feeling frustrated right now as he is dismissing all my shopping advice. For those of y’all who have survived raising teenagers, or have just come out of the teenage years yourself: Is this a “normal” phase for teenagers to completely blow off parental advice?
April 20th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
This is very normal teenage behavior. It sounds like he is doing it on purpose to push your buttons. I’m not sure how old he is? We raised my brother-in-law and up until he was around 23 years old he did the same thing. He just finally started asking for advice and actually taking it. I also teach high school kids and they do the same thing to either spite you (even though they like you), to prove that they don’t have to listen to you or just to get one riled up. Don’t know your son but it sounds similar. Good luck!
April 20th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Holy Mackerel!
A teenager who doesn’t take his parents advice!
STOP THE PRESSES!!!!!
/sacrasm
In all seriousness, most teenage boys have to learn by doing. He will figure it out eventually, and as he gets older he will learn to apply all those tidbits of advice he so recklessly tosses into the trashcan of his brain.
April 20th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Ok, I’ve stopped laughing now. After 4 teenagers who ALL knew better than their parents, I do believe it’s a normal thing. I think you need to take a step back for a few weeks and just let him make his own decisions. Bite your tongue. He may not ever want to budget and shop like you do but you may be surprised when one day he does. Underneath all the teenage know-it-all they do learn and remember. Just wait until he gets married and it will be “My Mom would have never bought that.”
April 20th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
They do indeed learn and remember.
I was your son. I moved out at 21. After my very first supermarket excursion, I waited for the Sunday paper with all the coupons I laughed at my mother for.
I called my mom, DAMN YOU! I screamed and hung up. LOL OK, maybe not exactly like that, but unless he ends up with a 300K per year salary and just doesn’t care…it will happen that’s for sure, I promise you that.
April 20th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Like Will, I expect he’ll learn by doing or necessity. It’s good you’ve been there to teach him the smart moves that he can follow when he gives up and gives in…
April 20th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
Did you take all your parents’ advice when you were 15? Did you shop smart at 15? I sure didn’t! It took me until almost 30 to learn to put these strategies in action. In my household, the kids were totally insulated from stuff like what things cost, so I never even had the chance to shop on my own.
It’s a wonderful gift that you allow him to make his own mistakes. Unless he’s going hungry or suffering severe nutritional deficits due to stubbornness, I’d just let him do what he does while gently offering alternatives. If you have a constant need to be right and prove it to him, he’ll most likely dig in even more, or at least that’s what I did to my mother. Set the good example, but give him freedom to experiment. One day you will hear “you were right,” totally unprompted.
April 20th, 2008 at 9:47 pm
Let him do it how he wants to. You already have him on a budget…so let him use his money however he wants. Just don’t bail him out if he runs out of food money.
April 20th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
Hey. I am impressed your son is still willing to participate. Most adults don’t feel like looking at the price per unit. If an item is on sale at our store the price per unit does not get adjusted so it just gets frustrating.
Bravo to your son for continuing this project. Hopefully it will stay rewarding for him so he will be willing to continue.
April 20th, 2008 at 11:57 pm
i only got as far as reading about the apples and quit.
don’t knock the dude.
Value over quality (or the obverse) is an issue of maturity.
April 21st, 2008 at 12:08 am
Ok, Ok! It sounds pretty much unanimous, so I guess I should back off for now. It’s still frustrating for me as Mom to *know* I taught the boy how to shop better, then watch him do almost the opposite.
Sue: my son still says he prefers this arrangement immensely over the idea of Mom shopping for him.
April 21st, 2008 at 11:28 am
Challenge him to a shop-off to see who has the best shopping skills. Both of you prepare a shopping list in advance and both of you buy the *exact* same stuff. Compare receipts then, then repeat with the same list next week where you won’t have to buy some of the items because you already have them at home. Then add up the receipts.
April 21st, 2008 at 8:00 pm
Ah, I love teenagers. Your son will realize you’re right at about 21 or 22. I feel your pain. I have a few more years before my daughter realizes her mom has a brain after all.
April 21st, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Hahahaa, yes it is normal. Like everyone above said, think back to when you were 15! When I as 15 I *always* knew more than mom. How wrong I was. I mean, I do agree that some of the things I knew she didn’t, but overall, the lessons she taught me were priceless. He’ll come around. Since you have him on a budget, it’s not like he’ll suddenly overspend - he may just run out of food. Given that he’s so stubborn, he’s likely not to do that because then he’s have to fall back on you again!
Give it time, and know that you’re mothering him well. He’s a good kid, from the sound of it, and no matter what you teach, he’s eager to learn it all himself. And he will
April 22nd, 2008 at 3:08 pm
Let the kid be… I feel he’s more likely to do it the “right” way if you don’t hassle him about it. Most people (not just teenagers) learn best when they have the opportunity to find out how things work for themselves, without someone standing over their shoulders, pointing out errors. It sounds like he’s doing pretty well. Congratulate him on how well he *is* doing, rather than harping on how he’s falling short!
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:01 am
[…] Teenager on a Budget This is a really interesting series about a mother attempting to teach her teenage son about budgeting, particularly food budgeting. The entry I’ve linked to is rather amusing. (@ debt free revolution) […]
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:55 am
You are doing great, and this is a fabulous thing to do. Bite your tounge, let him make mistakes. At least he is making them NOW, while he’s young and still at home and has your wise counsel nearby. When he’s on his own, he’ll know how to do better because you taught him NOW. He will make mistakes- we all did- but it’s better to do it young when you have a safety net than later when he’s an adult and has to pay for a place to live, food, heat, laundry detergent, etc, etc.
Perhaps you can show him some websites, like Moneysavingmom.com, which posts great deals that she sees. He may not act the way you want, but he is listening!
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:02 am
This is hillarious & I can’t believe you asked whether it was normal! LOL (I mean that as nicely as possible!)
I still remember the day I was complaining to my Mom about a problem at work (I was about 20), and she told me how to fix it. That was the day the light bulb went on that Mom wasn’t JUST a secretary, and that MAYBE she actually knew something! She got smarter every year since then (I’m now 33).
He’s 15, he’ll come around.
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:49 am
Of course this is normal. What’s really going to kill you is when he suddenly sees the light.. and gives credit to his coach, his girlfriend, or some random stranger on the street! Or better yet, when he starts trying to advise *you* using your own advice!
Try not to let your head explode when it happens.
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:52 am
Heck, I was a fairly “good” teenager (I actually listened to my parents) but I still had this wierd quirk where if I got advise from my dad about how to handle something, I felt that I shouldn’t do it that way right away because I didn’t want him to think that I was doing it JUST because He told me to.
(yes, I know, it makes no sense…)
Just don’t ride the kid — he’ll absorb and use the information later
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:21 pm
I’m 25 right now so I’m old enough to have mostly grown out of being a teenager, but not so old that I’ve forgotten much about it. I can see your point about shopping smart, I’m tight about money and a real numbers freak. However I also see another side because I am still living with my parents and I see the results of their shopping.
At home we have two refigerators/freezers. My mom loves to shop in bulk so she buys extra turkeys at Thanksgiving while they are on sale for Christmas, Easter and other times of the year because its alot of food for a small amount of money. Unfortunately, it takes up alot of freezer space so there is not very much space left. I buy Tostino’s frozen party pizzas when they are on sale because they taste great and cost only $1 when on sale. However my Mom gets mad because I’m “taking up all the freezer space.” Consequently I’m pushed to eat the pizzas and free up freezer space even though the main reason I buy those pizzas are because they are cheap and take less then 10 min to prepare making them great for a quick hot snack. Once the pizzas are gone, if I’m short on time and want a hot snack I end up going to a drive thru on my way to work/school.
My Mom loves to cook in bulk too, she always cooks more then we can eat in a single meal. We always end up throwing away leftovers after a week or so because no one wants to eat them and they only get worse over time. My Dad and I are fine with cooking everyday, we are Japanese and would be willing to cook rice in the rice cooker everyday if it meant we could always have fresh rice. Other leftovers end up in the freezer to be consumed later…except they are forgotten about and sit in there until a bag falls out of the freezer and hits someones foot and they decide to clean the freezer.
My mom also likes to buy lettuce and fruits from the farmer’s market. The lettuce isn’t bad because we all eat lots of salads, the problem is she buys a bag containing two heads. My mom and I tend to have busier schedules so some nights we aren’t at home for dinner. My dad will eat salad if its prepared but if it isn’t, he won’t go out of the way to prepare it and will cook rice instead. At least half the time one of the heads of lettuce ends up going bad and ends up being thrown away. The fruits are worse, I’ve found bags of fruits gone bad without ANY of them being consumed. Tomatoes nearly always go bad without being completely consumed, which is why I’m glad we now have 5 cherry tomato plants outside.
I don’t know your situation but I’ve found that many of my parents food strategies actually fail because they only look at the upfront cost of food and don’t consider spoilage. I’ve been slowly taking over the second refrigerator and purchasing my own food because I’m frequently left with lots of condiments, lots of staples of different types, but nothing to eat without dedicating time to cooking. Once you have a budget, saving money is important but secondary to having food when you want to eat.
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:46 pm
I just turned eighteen, and though I am probably better at budgeting than my mother, there are many, many other areas in which she surpasses me. The issue isn’t that we teenagers think you parents are wrong. No, the problem actually lies in you being right. If we believe we are doing something correctly, and then our parents explain why it may be more efficient to perform the task in a different manner it means we are wrong. Our pride won’t let us admit that maybe our dorky, middle-aged parents know better than we do. So we continue to do it our way, because maybe it just might work out…or maybe we will dig ourselves deeper into our debt-filled hole.
April 24th, 2008 at 9:42 am
I LOVE this idea and so last night, announced to 17yr old step daughter that we were going to try it. SHe would get $20 week towards breakfast and lunches but could join us for dinner when she is home (about 3 nights per week).
She was psyched.
It STARTED well. she had her own basket and went her merry way.
she wound up putting half her stuff back when I mentioned we were hitting another store afterward and they had a lot of what she wanted cheaper.
I think that started her frustraton. It is a lot of work finding good prices.
She has helped shop before so had a decent idea of food prices, especially things she likes that are expensive (esp grapes!) so she wasnt’ in shock.
By the end though, she had spent it all on very little (special K breakfast bars fro $1.29 each!)
HEr final comment int he store was “i’m just going to be rich when I’m on my own”. I sort of lost it.
SIGH.
I know the feeling though………
Anyway, while putting away groceries and reminding her dad more than once to stay out of HER food (in a playful way) I told her I thougth she did very well with her money. SHe agreed wholeheartedly so maybe it went better than i thought?
I’m watching your blog Ana and eager to learn more about your son!
thanks for the posts.
April 24th, 2008 at 11:14 am
When I was 5 I wanted a power wheels vehicle. My mom told me we didn’t have money for it. I told her she should just write a check. I didn’t understand banking as a kindergartener.
I was a super spender until about 1/2 through college. Seriously, I’d walk into Abercrombie and drop $500 on clothes like it was nothing.
Fast forward to 2008. I’m 28 years old, and I’m in better financial shape than any of my peers. I sock away most of my income and my Mom thinks I’m ridiculously frugal.
April 24th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Most advice given to teenagers goes into a special brain compartment they have and is stored there for some mysterious length of time. Years later it pops out, sometimes just in time to be passed on to their own teenagers.
April 25th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
It seems you are a major whiner.
You wanted to teach him how to shop (the way you think he should shop), and figured he would come crawling back admitting you were right. Now that he is doing things his way, at the same price you were spending before you’re still not happy! How dare he still not do things your way! Quite trying to give him unwanted advice and learn that just leave him alone already! Are you going to try to get him to do things your way forever? Who said your way is the best way, anyway? Have YOU tried shopping his way?
Maybe HE should post a blog on how to deal with controlling and irrational mothers!
April 25th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
I would say that he may be hearing bits and pieces of your advice [I used to work with teenagers … it is amazing what they pick up on and what they miss completely], but if you’re going to hound him with advice then he will perversely and stubbornly stick to his own spending plan. Sometimes people just have to learn for themselves, and the best lesson for him would be to make his own mistakes [painful in the short term] and then learn from them. When he faces the consequences of his choices, that has a way of teaching lessons that other people’s advice just doesn’t seem to impart.
It’s frustrating, I know, but sometimes we have to let our children make their own way in the world.
April 25th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Bethh’s response is funny but TRUE.
April 26th, 2008 at 9:04 am
Both you and your son deserve a round of applause for keeping up with this experiment. I enjoy it a lot and read all the back posts after migrating over from The Simple Dollar. I too have a problem with buying in bulk. I shop only for myself and I live in a relatively small apartment. Keeping 20 rolls of bath tissue in the bathroom or 15 apples in the kitchen is just not for me. Please do not feel frustrated by his refusal to shop supply sergeant style when he has to provide only for himself. Am I a spendthrift for buying the loose potatoes? I can’t buy the bagged potatoes. Some are just not nice enough to use after you get them home. They sprout so much faster than the loose ones, they aren’t as nice to begin with, etc, etc. I bet those were 4 perfect apples and your son will enjoy every bite of them.
May 2nd, 2008 at 1:48 pm
How old is your son? I’m actually a soon to be 21 y/o college student that recently just moved out of my parents house.
I think it first depends on the child, my little brother has more money sense than me, but he loves to spend… I on the other hand have very little money sense. Nevertheless, ever since I was small, I have watched my mother shop for deals and use coupons to save 50 cents to a dollar at a time. I was lucky to be taught “don’t spend money, save!” ever since I was a little kid. But the real learning came when I moved out, and had no one restricting me or letting me loose on the money I earned at work.
I started off very restrictively on myself, eating less than a dollar ra men noodles all the time, because I didn’t know budgeting better, and then slowly buying end of the day two loaves of bread for a dollar + jam and jelly to start supplementing my diet because I was getting tired all the time due to bad eating.
Now (4 months later), I eat a little more freely, buying terra chips and freezer food i can nuke in the microwave because 1) I can’t cook crap, 2) the oven at my apartment doesn’t work. I also eat out sometimes now, more than I use to when I was living at home.
I have a rule I don’t play too hard with, its pretty much the 50 cent per oz rule. If the price is less than 50 cents per oz, then I will buy it; if not, it has to be extremely well worth the money, healthy food, something I know worth it that I WILL eat, or something I like a LOT.
I know I just started, and I do tend to try to lean torwards premade and packaged food just for simplicity and my ignorance of not knowing how to cook food, but I plan to seriously learn how to cook more “complex” foods this summer, and delve into cheaper and healthier alternatives than what I am currently doing.
Overall, its a learning experiance for me still in the making. My parents and family try to help me out once in a while, and my room mate is awesome, because she cooks all her food and shares her knowledge AND food with me from time to time. But I only became more aware when I moved out of the house and had free rein to be “extreme”, realize it, and then take steps to correct it due to the effects it was having on my body. And honestly, interest. I became much more aware of all this when I moved out because my intrest in food suddenly skyrocketed.
Nevertheless, sorry for the long post, but lots of props to both you and your son! Good luck to the two of you! =]
May 3rd, 2008 at 8:03 am
[…] inflation talk with the Teenager yesterday, and we came to an agreement on changes to the “teenager on a food budget” experiment which will go into effect for tomorrow’s shopping expedition. I’ll post the full […]
May 9th, 2008 at 7:01 am
He sounds like a very normal teenager. Remember, he is spending YOUR money at this point–no need to employ guerrilla frugality unless it’s HIS money, in which he’s invested sweat.
After raising lots of kids–seventeen–I have found that they DID hear the instructions I gave them concerning frugality. In fact, to hear them tell it NOW, they invented it! Hearing them giving me THEIR take on saving money tips is a reward for raising them! HA!
June 8th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Never fear, as someone said, stuff you say goes into some sealed part of their brain that will unseal at some unknown point!
My kid’s website demonstrates the point: http://burnfive.blogspot.com/
I’d suggest parents of teens direct the kids to this 20-somethingers blog, but, just because you want them to, they’ll never look at it!