Teen on A Budget: The Milk Update
March 29th, 2008 by Ana
Those of y’all following the teenager on a budget saga remember Monday my son only bought a half gallon of milk, smugly convinced HE wasn’t the one who was drinking all the milk in the house. It didn’t take long for him to realize just how wrong he was about his milk consumption. Hubby and I have been watching (with amusement) this situation to see if the Teenager could come up with a decent resolution on his own, since the boy only had two dollars left over from his allocated grocery money.
We adults know that if you don’t have sufficient funds in the grocery category, some money gets pulled out of discretionary funds (also known as “fun money”) because food is always more important than nonessentials. Hubby and I have been watching for some sign that my son has learned this.
Thursday my son asked if I would take him to the post office so he could mail a gift (long story, don’t ask). I instead volunteered to take him to the grocery store so he wouldn’t have to suffer the shock of how much a convenience store charges for milk. My son replied that if he bought milk, he wouldn’t have enough money to mail his gift. Since I disagreed with the boy’s order of priorities, I didn’t take him to the post office (and he did not want to go to the grocery store).
Yesterday, my son purchased a bowl of milk from me, carefully doing the calculations starting from the price of a gallon and dividing by how much milk it takes to fill his (super-sized) cereal bowl. He was a bit dismayed when I rounded that figure up to 85 cents. I offered to take him to the convenience store if he preferred a real-life example of something called “convenience markup.” He declined and gave me three quarters and a dime.
I also offered the Teenager the opportunity to do extra chores to earn some milk money. He knows that extra chores equal extra pay, and that payment is often immediate in those cases. My baseboards are still dirty, so I guess the boy is just not that interested. It’s a shame, because cleaning the baseboards is worth between $3-5 depending on how thorough he is. He could buy an entire gallon of milk if he expended one hour of work.
I could bail him out, but I think that would send the way wrong message to the Teenager. Yes, I am his mother and I do provide for his food, shelter, clothing, and schooling. However, my son himself tells me: “Mom, you’ve made your mistakes already. Please let me make my own mistakes so I can have some kind of experience.” This is usually in response to my pleading for the boy to learn from my mistakes so he doesn’t have to repeat them. What can I say? My son is hard-headed (my mother insists he is just like me in that respect).
So far I have resisted the urge to bail the boy out of his short-sightedness, and refused to indulge his skewed priorities. He DOES have the money to buy himself more milk, but simply won’t. He DOES have the opportunity available to do extra chores for extra pay, but so far has not taken initiative. So his other options are to do without or buy milk by the bowlful at a convenience mark-up price.
Did I mention my son can be stubborn?
Now, I have seen a bit of commentary on a message board calling me a bit harsh for doing this. I did stop and think about that criticism, but as noted above, the Teenager has the money to buy his own milk, but wants to spend it on something else. He also has the opportunity to earn money for it, and is simply not interested. Finally, I really don’t think the boy wants me to bail him out of this. Judging from his remarks, I think he’s got quite a bit of teen male pride tied into this experiment and rescue-by-mom goes up against that pride.
Basically I’ve just expended a lot of typing to get around to a simple question: do y’all think I am somehow being harsh by not bailing my son out of his milk dilemna?
March 29th, 2008 at 8:32 am
I don’t think the whole milk/budget thing is all that harsh, but you are trying to force him into your choices when you won’t take him to mail his gift because you think he should buy milk instead. He obviously values the gift-mailing over milk this week.
Gas stations around here have milk cheaper than most grocery stores, maybe the boy should check out prices in flyers and on signs
March 29th, 2008 at 8:46 am
PaidTwice, around here milk is about $3.50 in the grocery store. At the gas stations a gallon of milk is $5! As for the gift-mailing thing, there’s about a 10-page backstory to that. This is for someone he has never met (let’s leave it at that).
March 29th, 2008 at 9:21 am
ana, why would you philosophically disagree with mailing a gift to a friend you’ve never met…and then post a few times about your beautiful new handmade artisan burlwood pen? Hypocrite!
March 29th, 2008 at 9:22 am
For some reason, the rest of my comment was cut off. In which I clarified that calling you a hypocrite was done with a teasing tone, not a nasty one.
And I’m too lazy to retype the rest! Maybe later.
You aren’t being too harsh.
March 29th, 2008 at 9:40 am
liz, it isn’t just that *I* haven’t met this girl, but *he* hasn’t either….I really don’t want to tie up space on this. It’s a truly weird situation in my (and hubby’s) opinion.
March 29th, 2008 at 10:21 am
I don’t think you’re being harsh at all in the general sense. It’s a very good experiment to show him the value of a dollar and the need to place importance based on the amount of money that you actually have to spend.
The one thing I would disagree on is that I would have let him spend the money to ship the gift. He’s not starving himself, just doing without milk. And that’s the point of the lesson anyway. You even gave him the option to work for the extra milk money.
March 29th, 2008 at 10:53 am
I love it! I think you are doing a great thing and someday he will thank you.
March 29th, 2008 at 11:39 am
I think you’re teaching him a very important lesson - and you’re doing it in a way that he really has the opportunity to learn it while you’re still there as a net to catch him, so to speak. You’re not letting the boy starve, you’re just teaching him how much groceries cost, and the idea of setting up priorities.
I think it’s awesome.
March 29th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
I think you should give him a credit card and let him buy his milk that way.
I am joking, of course.
March 29th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
You’re not being harsh at all! I think you are teaching him some great life lessons and hopefully he’ll come around and get his priorities straight! I can’t wait to hear what happens next!
Take care
LJ
March 29th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
You are not being too harsh, and whatever you do, don’t bail him out! This is the only way that he can learn how to manage money. Just leave him be and let him make his own decisions and let him learn.
March 29th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
Thanks y’all. I guess it’s a “mom complex” to start second-guessing herself if another mom questions a decision like this.
March 29th, 2008 at 9:28 pm
You’re not being too harsh at all. If it helps any, tell your son that if he goes to the horizon organics website there is a coupon for milk right now. As organic milk is more expensive, he would have to do a cost comparison to see if it’s worth it though!
March 29th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
I am not a mother yet but I just wanted to put in my two cents. I think I was in your position, I would do the exact same thing. You have to teach children about priorities. I think you went about it the right way.
March 30th, 2008 at 2:20 am
[…] at Debt Free Revolution gives an update on teaching her teenage son about budgeting- Teen on a Budget-Milk Update. I wish someone had taught me about budgeting at an early age, although I am not sure if i would […]
March 30th, 2008 at 6:11 am
The people who are criticizing you for being harsh are probably the same people who point out that we are all responsible for our own mistakes and our parents should have taught us better. I think it’s wonderful that he has the opportunity to learn this now. I wish my parents had done something similar.
March 30th, 2008 at 6:19 am
Why not let him use usps.com and mail it from home. I get the idea that there’s a backstory. However, this is a lesson he needs to learn. Life is all about choices. He’ll make his, live with the consequences, and probably learn a lesson. Yes, his priorities are skewed (especially to want to mail a gift to someone he’s never met) BUT the choice is his (as given by Mom).
For me, my issue would be driving to the post office. My kids know I’d rather poke out an eyeball than drive in Tampa traffic!
When it comes to watching my kids spend their money, we offer our advice, help them think through the different options, and then let them spend on what they choose. (Of course, we have ultimate veto power if it’s something that we just don’t do in our family…you know what I mean.)
You’re doing GREAT! I love this idea and have enjoyed sharing the ongoing story with my dh. Keep up the good work!
March 30th, 2008 at 6:29 am
NO! You are giving him a good lesson is whats its like to be an adult and making choices and decisions with money. He has not learned his lesson completely, more teaching is needed. You are doing great!
March 30th, 2008 at 7:27 am
Ana, I think you’re giving him a safe environment in which he can learn money lessons. He has his needs covered. I think this a great way to do things. My mom did something similar with me and I’m grateful. While nowhere near perfect, my husband and I are able to save each money due to budgeting lessons given to us when we were younger.
March 30th, 2008 at 11:42 am
Ana — you’re doing great with the milk thing — keep up the great work!
I do disagree on the mailing the gift decision. Without knowing the back story in entirety, your son needs to learn how to make good decisions about his life. Sometimes that necessitates making a poor one.
But besides that, gifting people never requires you to know them or have met them in person. I routinely give money to a charity –I’m gifting people whose names I don’t even know, much less have had any discourse with. I’ve given money to a homeless man on the street — never asked him his name, just admonished him not to spend it on drink, but ultimately as with your son, it was his choice what to spend the money on. That’s what gifting is all about. There is also the added benefit that giving to someone else makes YOU feel good. You denied your son that feeling.
That’s my .02 on the subject which, along with another $4.98 will purchase you a cup of coffee at Starbucks.
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March 30th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Alright, I might as well get into it: the “gift” is for someone he met online that he calls his “girlfriend.” I am a bit weirded out that my 14yo son has an internet “girlfriend” who lives over 700 miles away and he’s never met. He keeps asking to go visit her also, and feels obligated to buy her rather expensive presents (like a $50 necklace for Christmas) and mail these to her. The only thing she’s mailed to him was a couple of pictures. Along with just plain weird, I am also feeling this is a one-way relationship instead of reciprical and therefore unhealthy. I also can’t shake the mom-fear that this might be in some way predatory, even though I have actually spoken to this girl and her mother, who is all for this “relationship” which also weirds me out.
Maybe I am hopelessly old-fashioned, but this does NOT fit my idea of a middle-school “relationship” and I cannot bring myself to encourage it in any way.
March 30th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Haha! I love it! I think what you’re doing is great and I can’t wait to employ your mad-methods to my kids when they get older. Hopefully I started young enough that I won’t need to, but I got a feeling the first one will have to deal with the difficulties of a milk-purchase, and hopefully the youngest will learn from her.
Keep up the great work, he WILL thank you later for it
Mike
March 30th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Oh, and on the long distance relationship, I think you might want to reconsider that. That “teen-male pride” you spoke of, coupled with your “protective-mom” nature, and just a splash of “opportunity” is going to make for a real bad decision one day on his part…
Maybe it’s best to let him learn about the rising costs of milk and one-sided relationships all at once?
March 30th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
I love how you are teaching your teenager about personal finance and responsibility - I don’t feel it is harsh at all!! I have a 16 y.o. nephew who hasn’t the slightest clue on how to handle money; except let it fly out of his hands. I believe that when your teenager is out on his own he will have a fighting chance of having a decent financial life, whereas my nephew…..
Keep up the great work!
March 31st, 2008 at 7:32 am
Keep up the Great Work Ana!!!
You’re giving him multiple Great Opportunities!
- to learn about milk
- to learn about earning money
- to learn about giving
- to learn about budgeting
- to learn about relationships (and keep up the close eye on that one)
There is a hard reality of life: Money is finite. You only have so much. There are only 3 things you can do with money: give, save or spend.
If you started charging him for every little thing - like oh you want a special trip to the postoffice? That’s $1.37 in car mileage. then perhaps yes - you’re going to far. But what I read your right on track.
You have to give opportunites to do the wrong thing in order for them to choose the ability to do the right thing.
A wise parent screens the “wrong” opportunities presented….
March 31st, 2008 at 10:12 am
Good job setting boundaries and living by them.
Some day (hopefully soon) you will look back and laugh at how much time and energy was invested by so many over a bit of milk.
It’s now another week and your DS will have another $35 to budget. Who knows, after a while, this could get to be almost routine.
Feel better,
Kathryn
March 31st, 2008 at 10:29 am
Absolutely not! You go girl! I think you are teaching him a great lesson and doing it while bonding with your son will make a lasting impression on you relation ship. You have hos best intentions in mind, keep it up!
March 31st, 2008 at 10:42 am
Hmmm, I was just about to post that it is a new week and the boy gets another try at it! LOL This should be even more interesting than last monday.
March 31st, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Out of curiousity, do you know if your son is reading your “progress” blog himself…?
March 31st, 2008 at 4:08 pm
Son claims he never had the link. I just emailed to him so he no longer has that excuse. I know I’ve told him the URL several times LOL
March 31st, 2008 at 5:03 pm
No, you’re not being to harsh. Please. My boyfriend’s mother did crack all day and never bought him FOOD. I mean, come on!
That aside, when I was growing up, we had basically no money (single mom, three kids, went through bankruptcy, no child support, blah blah blah). My mom bought whatever food she wanted to buy and we ate it, no questions asked. We were each allowed each $5/week on candy or special cereal or whatever we wanted - magazines… it was our job to prioritize. I don’t remember feeling deprived at all, just angry that we didn’t have more money. When I was 16 I went out and got a job, and from that point forward my mom made me pitch in to buy groceries, and I spent a lot of money treating my sisters to special foods as well. When they each hit 16, they did the same, and we all pitched in the help each other out.
I think you’re teaching your son an extremely valuable lesson about the value of a dollar, and he will go far. Like you said, I agree that it probably has a lot to do with pride, and he’ll figure out how to make it work next week
April 9th, 2008 at 7:01 am
Ana,
I have been following your son’s grocery shopping saga. I just found this in the midst of my e-mail backlog and wanted to let you know that I think you are doing a fantastic job of teaching your son about finances, shopping and the price of milk. Keep it up.
April 24th, 2008 at 11:19 am
I love it! You are not being too harsh! I think you are being a great parent with this food budget thing!
April 28th, 2008 at 9:20 am
Absolutely not! If you shield him from the consequences of his own decisions (a process sometimes known as “enabling”), he will not learn. As long as he’s not starving, “suffering” by having cereal with no milk or paying extra for the milk is the only way he will learn and is relatively harmless.