Nowadays, I don’t get debt collection calls for me.  Now, if the phone rings and it’s a collection agent on the phone, they are looking for my ex-husband so I just make fun of them for actually loaning that man money.  LOL  But, once upon a time those calls were for me!  These are some of the ways I dealt with these calls.  Note: this was before I ever heard of Dave Ramsey, but he advocates similar (although more polite) tactics.

Collector: “Blah blah blah … you need to pay $XXX of money … blah blah blah”

Me: “You can’t squeeze blood from a turnip!  You’ll get your money when I have it to give.”  Note: this line is especially fun if the call center is in India or even the NorthEast part of the U.S.  Somehow that phrase is never in their call scripts.

Collector: “Blah blah blah … authorize a post-dated check … blah blah blah.”

Me:  “I don’t write or authorize hot checks anymore.  Besides that is slightly ILLEGAL in this state.  Are you trying to get me to break the law?”  This one apparently isn’t in their call scripts either, and can often be fun.

Collector: “Blah blah blah … authorize monthly payments to be automatically withdrawn from your account … blah blah blah.”

Me: “Y’all (or XYZ company) already screwed that one up royally and I am not doing THAT one again!”  That is the polite version, I was known to use much stronger language when hung over.  This one is usually followed by much crying and pleading about how they will change or not be that way … kinda sounds like a dumped boyfriend (girlfriend) who got the boot for wrongdoing and promises to change. 

Perhaps I should mention that I was usually hung over when collectors called, and somehow they always called me in the morning.  A few called at ungodly hours of the morning, and when I not-so-politely pointed that out to them (and explained the concept of different time zones in similarly rude fashion) they still tried to insist they weren’t breaking the law.

Law?  There’s a law governing what collectors can and can’t do??  You betch yer britches there is!  It’sa federal law called the Fair Debt Collections Practices Act, and right here it is in pdf format.  Here is the wikipedia page on it, which might be more readable.  Here is a handy Q&A format on the FDCPA from the Federal Citizen Information Center.  And finally, here is a page from a law site which includes some sample letters you can use to deal with collectors - especially if you don’t like the thought of using the line “I have a handgun and a hangover … so come and try to get the money!” when they threaten to collect in person … of course such a threat is technically illegal on both sides LOL  Yes, I really had one collector threaten to send someone in person, and I really did use that line.  Funny, that one didn’t call back for at least a year!  But in all seriousness, they are limited to only making valid threats, and cannot make any type of physical threats.

They cannot garnish your wages without a lawsuit.  They cannot threaten your job.  They cannot call up your friends and family and tell them about your debts.  If you tell them to not call you at work, they have to stop.  They cannot put a lien against any of your property without a court judgement (that is part of the lawsuit process).  They cannot call at unreasonable times of the night or early morning, and that is using YOUR time zone, not theirs.  Learn the law if you are prioritizing your bills and receiving debt collection calls!

At the time I received most of my debt collection calls, I was not aware of the law.  I could have had so much more fun with the collectors if I had!  So, if you are getting calls yourself (especially from collection agencies) it would behoove you to learn this law, then use it like a club to beat them back because they WILL try to verbally abuse you and get a response.  Debt collecting is pure psychological warfare, and if you flinch and give in, they have won that round … and notated it in their database so they know which tactics work on you.